Keep Being The School Mom

I can’t help it. I’m one of those moms. You know the ones that are excited for school to begin?

That’s me.

I’m not excited because it means that gives me a break from them. Heck, if I could I’d be in their classrooms everyday making sure they are paying attention, their shoes are tied and they carry the three in the math problem.

Ok, not really, but sometimes I wish I could be.

What I’m looking forward to is their own excitement of returning to class. I know children SAY they don’t want to go back but (secretly) they kind of do.

The friends they don’t get to hang out with over the summer will be there. The fall activities such as sports, drama and marching band are things they enjoyed and look forward to. It gets them back to being creative, talkative and interested in something again besides their phones which, and I know you’d agree with me here, is something we all wish they would spend less time with.

My stepdaughter checked Infinite Campus (our school portal) for her new classes every day for about three weeks wondering when it would be updated so she could see what her schedule would be. It’s new and exciting for her because she is starting seventh grade and that means it will be her first year with more than one teacher. She called me yesterday to tell me all about her classes and which friends were in which class with her.

My son loved his schedule because he found out his science class was his first class of the day and it is his absolute favorite. His teacher, Mr. Rodrigue, he says, is the best and makes it so much fun for him to learn.

What mom wouldn’t get excited about hearing those words?

He also noticed he would be in Advanced Algebra and that, he stated, was the hardest math class there was. He was happy about it but looked a little worried. I told him he should take it as a compliment that his math teacher last year had enough confidence in him that he thought he could handle it. He should be proud. He was fine after hearing that.

My stepson, a junior this year, actually said his schedule was “cool”.  I’d call that winning!

I’m excited for them. I will take pics on their first day of school (again) because that’s what moms do. We get to take two pictures a year: the first and last day and post them for all the world to see. All the rest are candids (don’t tell the kids!). It won’t be much longer until that stops happening. Begrudgingly, they smile for the camera then turn and walk into the building where they will be spending so much time. While they’re there, you’ll wonder and worry if they’re learning, paying attention, doing their work and passing it in on time. You check the Infinite Campus each day to make sure they aren’t behind on their assignments or if they tell you they have no homework you ask them about the assignment it says is due tomorrow. So there really is homework? Well, what do you know!

I’m that parent.

I’m the one that will fuss about heavy backpacks, picture day and lunch money. I’ll sometimes hover around the table while they’re working to be there just in case they ask for help. I’ll make sure they have a way to transport their projects they work so hard on to make sure they don’t get ruined before their presentation.

I’m excited!

I’m worried, too.

I will ask them who they sat with at lunch to make sure they aren’t lonely. I’ll ask what they learned that day to see if anything sparked their interest or if they’re having trouble in a subject. I’ll ask how they did on their test last week and, if they didn’t do very well, ask them what they think they can do or what they need to do better. Or if they did do well, I will congratulate them and tell them to keep it up!

I’m here for them.

They haven’t gone through many things in their young lives yet but, between myself and my husband, we have seen it all before. What is, might be or could happen to them is not unique as teenagers have been, well, teenagers for a million years.  But they THINK it is only happening to them and has never been experienced by anyone ever. Hopefully, they feel comfortable enough to tell us about the things that bother them or the situations they might be in and we can give them a little guidance along the way.

Being a teenager is not easy.

Neither is being a parent.

Whatever you can do to keep the lines of communications open between you and them, the teachers, the guidance counselors, the friends…keep them open.

Be excited. Be worried. Be there.

Keep being the mom.

Stepmom: Life on the Outside

I knew coming into the relationship it would be a struggle. No new relationship with children from previous ones is easy. If you were thinking it could be...you're wrong.

I was right.

The struggle is real.

But it didn't hit me until I attended her parent/teacher conference.

One of her writing assignments in her portfolio was titled "The People In My House". There she listed the names:

"Dad
Mom
Me
Brother
Memeré"

Nowhere was I or my son on the list.

I looked at her and jokingly asked where we were and she shrugged her shoulders and turned the page over as if I had never even asked the question.

A part of me died a little. Right there.

I have been in their lives for over 7 years. I have helped feed them, clothe them, take care of them when they were sick, been to every school function, baseball and basketball game, concert, parent/teacher conference and tryout. I have listened to their worries and their fears, helped them with school work or relationships, played games and took them to different places. I've taught them how to wash and fold laundry, do dishes and cook simple meals for themselves.

And still wasn't thought of as part of their family.

Her older brother has told me to my face the standard "you're not my mother" and I have said "I AM a mother. A stepmother counts." "Not in my eyes" was the response.

Being a blended family has its trials. There are days where we all get along. There are days when arguments ensue. You try and keep the peace between the "real" parents and keep the kids from feeling like they're stuck in the middle.

You do everything you can.

And it's never enough.

And it never will be.

You are on the outside looking in as the two of them whisper things to each and laugh at their inside jokes. You are downstairs not forcing them to watch a movie with you or do anything with you for that matter...even though you ask. They scramble upstairs as fast as they can to be alone...and you are left forgotten.

Again.

So you sit. By yourself. Remembering that list in her portfolio. Hoping one day she or he will realize the love you have in your heart for them.

And knowing with almost absolute certainty...

It will never happen.

To My Stepdaughter...From Your Stepmom

I have known you since the day I met your father. I fell in love with him that very minute. I think it’s safe to say I have loved you since that day as well.

You see, I never had a daughter of my own. I was blessed to have a son who is the same age as you. God’s plan for me was to have only one biological child but I believe He meant for me to love many children.

You are one of those.

It isn’t hard to do. You are a smart, funny, charming, beautiful 10 year old young lady and the apple of your daddy’s eye. You say the funniest things out of the blue, you forget things easily and you’re a very good student and artist. The look on your father’s face when he gets to see you is like no other. His face literally lights up. The sun rises and sets with you according to him. As his princess, you can do no wrong.

But you do.

When it happens he has to discipline you. He hates that. He feels terrible when it’s happening and like total crap when he sees your sad, puppy dog eyes.

For me, I see the love he has for you and I see the same you have for your daddy. You hug him out of the blue. You draw him silly pictures. You step on his feet and have him walk around with you as you smile up to his face. You know your daddy loves you.

I wonder if you see the love I have for you, too.

I know I’m always telling you to brush your teeth, brush your hair and pick up after yourself. I know it seems like I’m nagging but, if you notice, I tell the same thing to my son. I try to treat you equally. I’m not always successful.

I ask you to help set the table, load and unload the dishwasher and load and unload the dryer. I tell the same thing to my son, too. You’re both 10 and are able to help around the house. That includes feeding the pets, vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom. You are always willing to help. There are even times when you ask to help.

How did I get so lucky?

One of the fun things I get to do with you is bake. I know you love to bake cupcakes and pies. I ask you to help and you put on your special apron and we do it together. I actually think you are better than me.

You also like to sew. Santa brought you the sewing machine at Christmas and we have spent quality time together making a stuffed Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, pillows and a bunch of little things. Soon I hope to teach you how to quilt. Maybe the one you make you’ll take to college with you one day to keep you warm.

Another thing is cooking. When I say “You’re cooking tomorrow” your eyes light up and you automatically plan a menu and what we will need to make it. We head to the store the next day and buy our ingredients and I teach you as much as I know about your choice of dish. To tell you a secret, you always pick things I have never cooked before so I google it during the day so we can make it that night.

See? You are helping me learn things I never knew before.

The hardest part for me is how girly you can be. Growing up, I never learned anything about makeup, ribbons, French braids and the colors pink and purple. I grew up as a tomboy and I still am for the most part. You match your outfits much better than I can. When we go school shopping, your taste in clothes blows me away.  At least we share a love of shoes!

Soon, you’ll be at the age where boys will start to be “interesting” and they will be interested in you. Your father will be on edge with ANY boy that is mentioned, written in a heart on your notebook or calls to talk to you. You’ll be asking me questions. I didn’t date until I was sixteen so I wonder what kind of help I can be to you when you start to ask for advice. I hope you feel comfortable enough to come to me when you do have questions and I hope I will be able to answer them for you. And I won’t tell dad about our conversations unless I’m worried about you. There is such a thing as Girl Code.

I know you have a mom. I know you love her very much and it’s obvious she loves you, too. You are always excited to see her when she picks you up for the weekend. I always try to make sure to send her pics of you when you are with me if you’re doing something silly or if you drew a cool picture. I also send her texts of things coming up in your life that, if she can make it, she is always invited to. I hope she enjoys them. It’s know hard for me when my son spends time with his dad and I don’t get the communication of pictures or texts. I try to make it a little easier on your mom. I hope I’m showing you that, even though divorce happens, if it ever happens to you, you can be the bigger person. It may not always feel good but God will reward you for the good things you do.

Speaking of God, I hope you hear me talk about Him. He is a huge part of my life. I would never push my religion on you. That is for you to decide. But I am glad you have an open heart. You see me and my son say prayers before every meal and before bedtime. You see us at church and when you ask to come along you voluntarily participate with the other kids. I know the young ladies enjoy spending time with you and the ladies of the church think you are bright and talented. You also see us doing God’s work. When we do things like clean up our road in the spring, hold open doors people and use our manners we feel good. When you see your dad helping our neighbors with their yard work or catching their pets that have runaway, that’s also God’s work. I always say that God’s work is doing for others and not expecting anything in return. You’re doing it out of the goodness of your heart. And there is a lot of goodness inside YOU.

You are officially my stepdaughter. That’s what the world gives you as a title. No matter what they call you, I will treat you like you are my own daughter. I will love you like you are my own daughter. When you’re hurt, I’m hurt. When you’re happy, I’m happy. There will be times when you’re older that you’ll be mad at me for disciplining you or having you pick up your room and you’ll scream “You’re not my mother!” and slam your door. I’ll expect that and it will hurt me. I’ll let it go because that’s all I can do.  I know that won’t be the reason you’re mad at me. Just know that I will be there for you in every way possible as long as you’ll have me. 

I love your father. You are a part of him. I love you, too. I am so glad he brought you into my life. I have enjoyed watching you grow into the wonderful young woman you are and I can’t wait to see what your life brings you. We will always be there for you and will always try to do our best to do what’s right for you. 

Sharon's Mother's Day

 

 

It was a long time ago when my parents moved to Maine (1983). When we journeyed north from our home in Connecticut, we left behind some of my mom's favorite things: her best friend, Paula Sposili, our next door neighbor Mrs. Barris' garden and dogwood trees.

 

My mom LOVES flowers and I do, too. My favorite is the tulip. With my busy schedule it's hard to find time to grow anything....except kid appetites!

 

This Mother's Day, I wanted to do something....not for me but for my family. Fedco, up the road, has their annual Tree Sale right before Mother's Day. I had always wanted to go.

 

So I did!

 

And I did what my parents did a long time ago.

 

You see, when my brother and sisters started having children, my parents found a way to incorporate them in their everyday life.

 

They planted trees and named them after George, Katherine and Jennifer. The trees grew very tall and, unfortunately, aren't there at 33 Western Avenue in Fairfield anymore. When my parents moved, the new owners eventually cut them down. That was truly a sad day when my parents drove by and saw they weren't there anymore.

 

At their new house, they decided to do it again. A new George, Katherine and Jennifer grow tall in their backyard once again.

 

There are many trees surrounding our property that were planted before we moved here so finding a spot for new trees was kind of difficult. I decided to take a slightly different route.

 

For Jayden, I bought a butterfly bush and planted it, as it said, next to the house so it would have full sunlight. For when it blooms, it will still never be as beautiful as she has grown to be.

 

For Bradley and Anderson, I picked Silver Maples. On windy days, their leaves will shimmer in the sunlight. For them, I hope they will remember there is always a silver lining to every situation.

 

And for myself and Chad...Dawn Redwoods. These trees grow tall and straight and are pillars of strength which I hope we are to our children. They have large roots that stick out of the ground to remind them that their family "roots" for them and they can count on them to always show up when they need them.

 

I don't have the greenest thumbs and I hope all of these plants survive. At least I tried....and that's all you can do with children: Love them, give them plenty of fresh air and nutrition and nurture them until they can stand on their own.

Anderson Helps the Community

The last thing Anderson needed to complete to become a full fledged Wolf in Cub Scouts was to clean up a part of his neighborhood. Thankfully, the sun came out today and it was our chance to shine! It just so happens to be Earth Day and everything fell into place.

 

Our road is a dead end. There are 14 houses on it and not much traffic. We thought it would take us an hour to do the entire .7 miles. It didn't look that dirty when we rode in the car.

 

We were so wrong!

 

We filled 6 kitchen size trash can bags FULL of trash! We called Chad to pick up the bags as we went along and bring us more. It took us 2 whole hours to finished and, boy, were we tired!

There were 60 Budweiser glass bottles, Dunkin Donuts cups, Cumberland Farms cups, McDonald's bags and cups, Panera Bread boxes and plastic bags from every big chain grocery store.

 

It was sad. Anderson asked "Mama, why is there so much trash? I thought we loved the Earth."

 

All I could do is tell him the truth.

 

"Some people don't care about the Earth. That's why I'm glad there are people like you who do."

 

On our way down the road a few neighbors came out of their houses to thank Anderson for his good deed. He said he wants to clean our road every year.

 

The Boy/Cub Scouts of America is a wonderful organization that teaches children the importance of our world and taking care of our natural resources.

 

I am so thankful for the opportunity to help Anderson learn about the Earth and what it means to us and how to help it stay clean. Hopefully, this is a lesson he will keep with him for the rest of his life.

Who Needs Video Games? Not This Family!

In this day and age it's hard to get past all the technology out there. It's everywhere you go and kids know how to work it better than adults do. Phones with downloadable games like Candy Crush, SnapChat, Facebook...you name it, they have it. You see them glued to their phones or their iPods or, I've even seen it in church, their iPads.

 

Can you say Holy Cow? Yeah, I was a little shocked, too.

 

Xbox 360s & Playstations with shooting things, colorful screens, puppies and kitties, cars and trucks, robots and zombies, candies and clans....all designed to attract children of all ages.

 

Yes, we have a Wii system. We don't play it very much at all. Although, we have been known to play a mean basketball 3 point contest. We have even rid ourselves of television.

 

What? We can't watch live television anymore?

 

It's true! We canceled our Time Warner Cable and now only have Netflix, Google Chromecast and Youtube. We miss our favorite shows on the Discovery Channel but are able to watch them online. Gold Rush, The Curse of Oak Island, Down East Dickering, North Woods Law and shows like that we enjoy as a family.
 

As for video games....well, thankfully, we don't have the need for them. Our kids are interested in other things. They all play basketball, Anderson is in Cub Scouts and they ALL like to build things!

 

We play games as a family. We play outside on the four-wheelers as a family. In the Summer, we all target practice with bows and arrows and guns. Chad and I remember what it was like when WE were kids. That's why GAME TIME means SPORTS and BOARD GAMES!

 

You've never really experienced Yahtzee until you've played with Chad.

 

This past Christmas, my brother, Ray and his wife Nadine, gave Anderson and Brad Erector sets. My sister, Wendy, gave them activity kits that included making their own robots, machines and art. You know...old fashioned toys that make kids think. Their Aunt Audrey gave them a game called Ghost Castle which was hilarious to play (but a nightmare to put together!! LOL).We gave them kick balls and skateboards....toys for outside.

 

Not one toy received from us was a video game.

 

And they play and create everyday. Now they ASK for family game night and bring games downstairs to play!

 

The snow storm today they're calling Juno is the perfect time to play WITH your kids!

 

Get out the coloring books and crayons!

 

Get out the Lincoln Logs or Legos!

 

When was the last time you played Life or Sorry or Clue? And you have a house full of kids to play them with.

 

Don't let these games MEANT for families die! Remember how much fun they were when YOU were a kid? Spend time with YOUR KIDS and feel it all over again.

Anderson Got Baptized Sunday!

 

Sunday morning couldn’t come fast enough for Anderson or myself. We were both so excited for this very special day!

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints…in other words…Mormon.  I was baptized Christmas Day of 1995. I’ve been to a few temples and I try and practice the Latter-Day Saint ways as best I can. I’m DEFINITELY not perfect but I try hard to be.

Anderson goes to church every Sunday thanks to his dad, Daniel and his stepmom, Lori. They are both members of the church and very active members. It was Anderson’s decision to be baptized. And on Sunday, dressed all in white, he was ready to take…the plunge!

It was a wonderful ceremony. His dad was so proud to be able to baptize him. Many family members and friends were able to make it. They counted the attendance and more people had attended the baptism than the sacrament meeting. He is one very loved young man.

I was lucky enough to be asked by Anderson to give the talk on the Holy Ghost. I wrote it and practiced it out loud a dozen times! It felt good to stand in front of the congregation that had gathered and tell him how much I loved him and how proud I was of his decision.

I spoke to him about the feeling the Holy Ghost can give, how it can help him make good decisions and that it was HIS responsibility to make the best choices he can. He is growing up and He’ll be approached by people and tempted to do things that aren’t healthy for him. I hope he is able to make the right decisions and, if he doesn’t, at least he’ll have the opportunity to repent and make them right again.

I’m not one to be all preachy about things and this is in NO WAY intended to be. I am just so proud of my son and the boy he has grown to be. I wish time would stand still sometimes. I know that the years will bring many more amazing times for us. He is already talking about getting a job so he can go to college and fund his mission with the church. He can afford to slow down a little bit. A job and being an adult will come soon enough. It’s great he wants to be so responsible but for now I think an allowance for chores is good enough!

And even though they are not members, Chad, Bradley and Jayden were all there to support him. It doesn't matter what the kids are into. We all support whatever they do. That's what being family is all about. This was a big moment in Anderson's life and they wanted to be there for him.

Thank you, Anderson, for asking me to be a part of your special day and the love you give to me and all around you. We are truly blessed to be a family.

Two Different Kinds of People...One Life Together. It CAN Work!

Believe it or not, Chad and I are two COMPLETELY different kinds of people.

I know. It's like we're joined at the hip sometimes. We're newlyweds. Give us a break!

But what happens when two different kinds of people fall in love? They say opposites attract but what if it's only physical attraction? What then?

Here's a peek into the lives of two very different souls and how it CAN work!

He grew up in the country in Turner, ME….I grew up in the city in Milford, CT.

He is from a family of 5….I am from a family of 11.

He’s 6 feet  tall…...I’m only 4 foot 11.

He played baseball, basketball, did track and field….I wasn’t allowed to play sports.

He was very quiet in school....I was extremely outgoing.

He was outdoorsy with camping, hunting, fishing….I liked books and sewing.

We have different thoughts on politics, church, movies and humor. VERY DIFFERENT THOUGHTS.

But even though we are extremely different, we still find a way to make things work. We find the things that we like together and do them, like music.  We also try and do together, if only once, something the other person likes. You never know, the other person may like it, too, and we have found something else we can do together. Then, we try something entirely new. It’s possible both might like it and we have a new interest! For instance, we have found we enjoy metal detecting!

In our life together, we’ve found a way to have common ground.

We have also treated each other with RESPECT with each and every difference. Each has not tried to force their beliefs on the other. We have each been to activities for all our children to support them whether it be a baseball game, a dance recital or speaking in church. 

A relationship is compromise. A relationship is knowing who you’re with and loving them for your common ground and differences. A relationship is respecting the other person for their common ground and differences.

Is our relationship perfect? No. Do we argue?  Yes. Do we air our dirty laundry on Facebook? No.

But we try hard to make it work. And it does. And we’re happy. Want to know why?

It's because we WANT it to work.

I'm not going to lie. The past hurt. Whose doesn't? It still does every once in a while. But what needs to happen is to not let the past define your future!

Know the mistakes you made, own them and don't make them again. The new person you're with doesn't deserve them just like you don't deserve theirs.

So, will it be a chick flick or action movie Friday night? I don't know. But I DO know that spending time together snuggling on the couch under a blanket during an action movie is better than playing Candy Crush by yourself when the one you love is two feet away.

Our Memorial Day Weekend!

It really is amazing how fast time goes by. And crazy how fast children grow up. Becoming a blended family is never easy but we have been very lucky. Chad and I are two parents that love children (Especially our own) and when all three get together our beginning thoughts are "Here we go!" But end up being "How did we get so lucky?" These kids are incredible. 

While driving to Duckpuddle Campground in Nobleboro, by the time we reached Augusta they started a countdown to how long it would take to get there. Brad told the time by his watch while Anderson and Jayden talked the entire 40 minutes. When it got down to 16 minutes Anderson said "Wow, time is going by so fast!" and it was! Because they were having fun!

We set up our tent and Chad took the kids fishing while I helped my band, Sharon Buck & Dixon Road, set up to play. The kids played all evening long. Chad built a fire and they had s'mores for dessert. By the time I reached the site, Anderson and Jayden were passed out in the tent. The trick was getting us all comfortable! Let's just say Chad and I didn't sleep very well! LOL There are just some sacrifices you make to make sure your kids are happy! But we did find out these 3 things while at our first time camping as a family:

#1: Always make sure to bring an egg crate mattress for the bottom of the tent (we adults were sore Sunday!)

#2: Kids steal all the covers

#3: Chad and I both fit in his single survival sleeping bag

I LOVE #3!

Yesterday we came home in the morning because Chad had yardwork to do. It was the first mowing of the year and the grass and dandelions were so thick. I know how much we said we hated the rain but the lawn drank it up and came back so nice this year!

The kids road their bikes, played basketball, jumped on the trampoline and helped Chad with the yardwork. They even made their own lunches! Then we took them fishing! They had been begging to go so we loaded up the car again and took them to a small pond. I think all but Bradley caught something. Poor guy.

We were so hungry we went to the Benton Fun Park. While I ordered dinner, Jayden and Anderson went on pony rides in the field. When a little girl sees a horse...well they instantly fall in love! You can't say no that look!

Back at home, Chad said for me to stop doing laundry (load #3) and to come outside and relax. He had set me a chair in the sun in the garage so I could watch the kids play their made up version of kickball while he played and sang me songs on the guitar.

If someone had told me 8 years ago life could really be this way, I would have cried. I never thought I could have this kind of life. Is it perfect? No. We still struggle with money sometimes ( who doesn't? ) and when we don't see eye to eye, we have to talk things out. Times like those don't last very long, though. 

When we first started dating, Chad told me I could talk to him about anything. And I really can. He sometimes laughs at my questions because, well, being almost 40, he would have thought I knew the answers to some already. It's amazing how being brought up 60 miles apart 2 COMPLETELY different ways and families make us each know about COMPLETELY different things!

But I wouldn't have it any other way.

This Memorial Day weeekend, I hope you find time with YOUR family. Acknowledge the veterans who have served and spare a moment to give thanks. And take a moment to realize that what you have now is all thanks to them.