I knew coming into the relationship it would be a struggle. No new relationship with children from previous ones is easy. If you were thinking it could be...you're wrong.
I was right.
The struggle is real.
But it didn't hit me until I attended her parent/teacher conference.
One of her writing assignments in her portfolio was titled "The People In My House". There she listed the names:
"Dad
Mom
Me
Brother
Memeré"
Nowhere was I or my son on the list.
I looked at her and jokingly asked where we were and she shrugged her shoulders and turned the page over as if I had never even asked the question.
A part of me died a little. Right there.
I have been in their lives for over 7 years. I have helped feed them, clothe them, take care of them when they were sick, been to every school function, baseball and basketball game, concert, parent/teacher conference and tryout. I have listened to their worries and their fears, helped them with school work or relationships, played games and took them to different places. I've taught them how to wash and fold laundry, do dishes and cook simple meals for themselves.
And still wasn't thought of as part of their family.
Her older brother has told me to my face the standard "you're not my mother" and I have said "I AM a mother. A stepmother counts." "Not in my eyes" was the response.
Being a blended family has its trials. There are days where we all get along. There are days when arguments ensue. You try and keep the peace between the "real" parents and keep the kids from feeling like they're stuck in the middle.
You do everything you can.
And it's never enough.
And it never will be.
You are on the outside looking in as the two of them whisper things to each and laugh at their inside jokes. You are downstairs not forcing them to watch a movie with you or do anything with you for that matter...even though you ask. They scramble upstairs as fast as they can to be alone...and you are left forgotten.
Again.
So you sit. By yourself. Remembering that list in her portfolio. Hoping one day she or he will realize the love you have in your heart for them.
And knowing with almost absolute certainty...
It will never happen.
Hey sharon, That sounds sad and rough. I can relate to the sadness. It might be that you know you love yourself, you are mother to you, you are amazing and then out of the blue you realize they do love you. It's hard because I seek the same love from my step kids and am forgotten as well. I show up in their dreams as the one in the corner or I vanish and they are with their original family - when I get down, I let myself be down and then realize that I mother myself, nuture myself and part of being their 'mom' is that I may never see it but being a mom is so unselfish. I don't need to see it from them, have them give me anything. I can give that to myself and maybe I'll be surprised to see what happens when they don't feel like i need anything from them. lots of love
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