Keep Being The School Mom

I can’t help it. I’m one of those moms. You know the ones that are excited for school to begin?

That’s me.

I’m not excited because it means that gives me a break from them. Heck, if I could I’d be in their classrooms everyday making sure they are paying attention, their shoes are tied and they carry the three in the math problem.

Ok, not really, but sometimes I wish I could be.

What I’m looking forward to is their own excitement of returning to class. I know children SAY they don’t want to go back but (secretly) they kind of do.

The friends they don’t get to hang out with over the summer will be there. The fall activities such as sports, drama and marching band are things they enjoyed and look forward to. It gets them back to being creative, talkative and interested in something again besides their phones which, and I know you’d agree with me here, is something we all wish they would spend less time with.

My stepdaughter checked Infinite Campus (our school portal) for her new classes every day for about three weeks wondering when it would be updated so she could see what her schedule would be. It’s new and exciting for her because she is starting seventh grade and that means it will be her first year with more than one teacher. She called me yesterday to tell me all about her classes and which friends were in which class with her.

My son loved his schedule because he found out his science class was his first class of the day and it is his absolute favorite. His teacher, Mr. Rodrigue, he says, is the best and makes it so much fun for him to learn.

What mom wouldn’t get excited about hearing those words?

He also noticed he would be in Advanced Algebra and that, he stated, was the hardest math class there was. He was happy about it but looked a little worried. I told him he should take it as a compliment that his math teacher last year had enough confidence in him that he thought he could handle it. He should be proud. He was fine after hearing that.

My stepson, a junior this year, actually said his schedule was “cool”.  I’d call that winning!

I’m excited for them. I will take pics on their first day of school (again) because that’s what moms do. We get to take two pictures a year: the first and last day and post them for all the world to see. All the rest are candids (don’t tell the kids!). It won’t be much longer until that stops happening. Begrudgingly, they smile for the camera then turn and walk into the building where they will be spending so much time. While they’re there, you’ll wonder and worry if they’re learning, paying attention, doing their work and passing it in on time. You check the Infinite Campus each day to make sure they aren’t behind on their assignments or if they tell you they have no homework you ask them about the assignment it says is due tomorrow. So there really is homework? Well, what do you know!

I’m that parent.

I’m the one that will fuss about heavy backpacks, picture day and lunch money. I’ll sometimes hover around the table while they’re working to be there just in case they ask for help. I’ll make sure they have a way to transport their projects they work so hard on to make sure they don’t get ruined before their presentation.

I’m excited!

I’m worried, too.

I will ask them who they sat with at lunch to make sure they aren’t lonely. I’ll ask what they learned that day to see if anything sparked their interest or if they’re having trouble in a subject. I’ll ask how they did on their test last week and, if they didn’t do very well, ask them what they think they can do or what they need to do better. Or if they did do well, I will congratulate them and tell them to keep it up!

I’m here for them.

They haven’t gone through many things in their young lives yet but, between myself and my husband, we have seen it all before. What is, might be or could happen to them is not unique as teenagers have been, well, teenagers for a million years.  But they THINK it is only happening to them and has never been experienced by anyone ever. Hopefully, they feel comfortable enough to tell us about the things that bother them or the situations they might be in and we can give them a little guidance along the way.

Being a teenager is not easy.

Neither is being a parent.

Whatever you can do to keep the lines of communications open between you and them, the teachers, the guidance counselors, the friends…keep them open.

Be excited. Be worried. Be there.

Keep being the mom.

Stepmom: Life on the Outside

I knew coming into the relationship it would be a struggle. No new relationship with children from previous ones is easy. If you were thinking it could be...you're wrong.

I was right.

The struggle is real.

But it didn't hit me until I attended her parent/teacher conference.

One of her writing assignments in her portfolio was titled "The People In My House". There she listed the names:

"Dad
Mom
Me
Brother
Memeré"

Nowhere was I or my son on the list.

I looked at her and jokingly asked where we were and she shrugged her shoulders and turned the page over as if I had never even asked the question.

A part of me died a little. Right there.

I have been in their lives for over 7 years. I have helped feed them, clothe them, take care of them when they were sick, been to every school function, baseball and basketball game, concert, parent/teacher conference and tryout. I have listened to their worries and their fears, helped them with school work or relationships, played games and took them to different places. I've taught them how to wash and fold laundry, do dishes and cook simple meals for themselves.

And still wasn't thought of as part of their family.

Her older brother has told me to my face the standard "you're not my mother" and I have said "I AM a mother. A stepmother counts." "Not in my eyes" was the response.

Being a blended family has its trials. There are days where we all get along. There are days when arguments ensue. You try and keep the peace between the "real" parents and keep the kids from feeling like they're stuck in the middle.

You do everything you can.

And it's never enough.

And it never will be.

You are on the outside looking in as the two of them whisper things to each and laugh at their inside jokes. You are downstairs not forcing them to watch a movie with you or do anything with you for that matter...even though you ask. They scramble upstairs as fast as they can to be alone...and you are left forgotten.

Again.

So you sit. By yourself. Remembering that list in her portfolio. Hoping one day she or he will realize the love you have in your heart for them.

And knowing with almost absolute certainty...

It will never happen.