What Would My Answer Be?

On my birthday last week, my son, Anderson, asked me a question while I was driving him to the babysitter.

“Mama, what do you want for your birthday?”

I smiled at him in the rearview mirror and said “Lots of hugs and kisses from you!”

He laughed and said “No, Mama, what do you REALLY want for your birthday?”

I answered “Lots of hugs and kisses from Chad!”

Then he got a serious look on his face.

He said “No, Mama, what have you always wanted but never got?”

THAT took me by surprise.         

I remember being in a store about 10 years ago and buying a reissued Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine that I had always wanted as a kid.

I remember my co-worker surprising me on-air with an Easy Bake Oven.

But now, at 40, what is something I’ve always wanted but never received?

I had no answer. I told him I would have to get back to him on that.

I am now 40 years old. I certainly don’t feel it. And I’m told I don’t look it. But, at 40, it was time to look back and figure out what I HAD always wanted but NEVER received.

Or should it have been, never DONE?

So, I made a list of what I wish HAD happened to me.

I wish:

1.       I had been allowed to play sports in school

2.       Someone would have taught me about girl stuff (hair, monthlies, makeup, clothes)

3.       My mother had not ripped up the letter saying I had a full scholarship to UNC

4.       I had gone for a Bachelor’s Degree

5.       I had learned to play an instrument when I was a kid

6.       I had taken dance classes

7.       I had been allowed to attend school dances

8.       I had been allowed to have sleepovers

9.       I had not paid off someone’s $25,000 worth of credit card debt and not asked for it back (Because he is living large now!)

Yes, all those things happened.  I was what they called a “late bloomer” of life. In response to all those things I wish had happened, here is what I got out of them:

1.       It wasn’t until my 30s when I was part of an actual team. I played volleyball with my co-workers for a season.

2.      I’m still learning about girl stuff. I can’t do my own hair for the life of me and I rely on my husband to pick out my clothes. From what I hear he has good taste.

3.       I didn’t get to go to UNC but I DID graduate from KVTC and I’m going back to get my bachelor’s in January.

4.      That covers #4, too!

5.      I have learned enough on piano and guitar to create my own music but I’m not proficient at any of them.

6.      I can keep a beat on my feet but just because I have rhythm doesn’t mean I’m a good dancer.

7.     That one school dance where I was the laughing stock for the rest of the school year when my mother and sister arrived and made a huge scene….yeah, I could live without that memory.  I think if I had been able to attend them regularly, I would be able to relate to make friends and make better friends now.  I have plenty of friends on Facebook but I mostly keep to myself, husband  and children. I don’t ‘hang out’ with anyone.

8.     Ahhh, the sleepover. To this day I have no idea what goes on at one. I sincerely doubt it was pillow fights in pajamas.

9.       Yup. Paid off all his debt so his credit would be good and we could buy a nice house together. Got taken on that one. It’s a good thing I’ve got the right man now.

So what is it I want? At 40 years old, you’d think I could think of something, right?

Well, I have.

I want my son to grow up and experience everything I never got a chance to do.

I want him active in sports, which he is in baseball and basketball.

Learning about boy stuff, from Chad and Boy Scouts.

He WILL go to the college of his choice!

He WILL graduate, too!

He wants to take guitar lessons when he gets older. That’s fine with me!

The boy likes to dance and I will encourage him to dance whenever he wants to. A girl loves a man who can dance! (although I will have to intervene if ‘The Sprinkler’ ever becomes his signature move).

He can attend school dances and not be afraid of his mom freaking out on him.

He can sleep at a friend’s house without his mom freaking out on him.

And he will, hopefully, learn how to handle his money. He’s done well so far. He has a savings account for his church mission and college.

That’s it. I want my son to be able to do the things I was never allowed to do. It’s not because they were bad things. Yes, my parents were overprotective but it didn’t mean they didn’t love me or want what’s best for me. They did. And I know that.  And I’m who I am today because of it.

And I hope my son will understand, even if it is 20 years from when he graduates,  at the things I say ‘no’ to and the ones I say ‘yes’ to. I hope he will look back and say “I had it pretty good….and an awesome mom.”